When I was a young lassie with hair like a neon sign and skin whiter than snow, I thought quite a few things that I now know not to be true. I’m not going to say I was sheltered, but I was sheltered (and thank God for that). Here are a few examples of my innocence and partially submerged fantasy consciousness.
When people kissed in movies, I thought they had mouth guards of some sort because, um, hello, why would you kiss someone if you weren’t married to them? I would always look closely at the screen to see if I could make out a glimmer of plastic or something of that sort. I concluded later that they must edit the guards out so that it appears more natural to the movie watchers. I could believe in editing and CGI, but not kissing.
Thou shalt not swear in music
I honest to goodness thought that you were not allowed to. I knew that people swore in real life, but I honestly thought that there was a rule that you couldn’t do it in music. I just had never heard it before and that resulted in the belief that there was a law or something that you couldn’t. My shock when I heard my first swear in a song destroyed that belief pretty quick.
Pop! There’s a baby
I was never told the stories of a stork (until around three days ago I thought it was a swan) or anything like that, so I came up with my own concept of how a baby is conceived: when a woman and a man get married, God simply implants the baby in the woman when it works with His plan. There were no other factors. God decided a baby needed to be born so He made a baby. That’s basically how it works, but there’s a couple more steps mixed in. Imagine my confusion when I heard the term “out of wedlock pregnancy”.
A lake under every house
My childhood consisted of Harry Potter and running around with a wand in my hand casting spells, and in the books, all the plumbing underneath the magical castle goes to a lake, so naturally I thought that underneath every house there was a lake holding all the dirty water and pumping clean water back up. The fact that my grandparents live on a lake and always refer to the tap water as lake water did nothing to dissipate this fantasy.
They always talk about your soul being inside of you at church, so I envisioned an actual physical thing that looked somewhat like a marble column that ran down between the center of your chest and your belly button. Even now when my pastor mentions a soul I still get a mental image of a marble column inside of me. It’s quite disconcerting.
Chris Tomlin and Bonnie Tyler
Continuing off of music from before, I didn’t know any genres of music other than 80’s rock ballads and Christian contemporary/hymns. I had an inkling that other genres might exist but I had never heard them. It’s difficult to believe in something you’ve never heard, and so I didn’t. Rap, pop, country, were nonexistent.
But thankfully, one childhood fantasy has never been disproven and I’ve held on tight to it over the years, that Narnia is at the back of a wardrobe. I haven’t found it yet, but I’m 100% confident it’s real. I mean, how could that awesome of a place not exist?