I wrote a Christmas skit this year for the main church service but it didn’t align properly and we were not able to use it, so I have decided to post it here and fully open it to anyone who would like to use it in the future for their theatre group or anything of that sort.
(Skit opens with OLD MARY sitting in a rocking chair, CHILDREN sitting around her. OLD MARY is talking indisctinctly but emphatically.)
OLD MARY:…and I treasured up all these things and pondered them in my heart. The end.
CHILDREN: Tell it again, Grandma Mary! Tell the story again!
OLD MARY: Oh, it’s very late, and I know you little rascals will be up early opening presents. I shouldn’t.
CHILDREN: Please? Just one more time?
OLD MARY: (Pleased) Oh, alright. This is the story of how Uncle Yeshua was born…
(Focus shifts to MARY’s bedroom on the stage. KATIE is lying on the bed chatting on her phone.)
OLD MARY: Let me tell you, children, having an angel visit you wasn’t an everyday occurrence. In fact, God had been pretty quiet for about 400 years. So, understandably, I was a bit surprised.
(MARY screams from offstage. KATIE looks up, concerned.)
KATIE: Mary? Are you okay?
(Indistinct voices are heard from offstage.)
MARY: (Offstage) I don’t understand how this is supposed to happen! I haven’t even kissed anyone.
(Indistinct conversation from the bathroom. KATIE gets off the bed and goes closer to the bathroom door.)
MARY: (Resolved) Okay. (Beat) Could you write a note to my parents, or my fiance, or something, because it’ll sound a lot better coming from you. No? (Shaky) Okay. Thanks.
(MARY enters from the bathroom, looking shell-shocked and stumbling over herself. She is holding a pregnancy test. KATIE supports her and guides her over to the bed.)
KATIE: Are you okay? You don’t look okay. What was going on in there?
MARY: You’re not going to believe me. I don’t think I believe me.
KATIE: That’s what you said when you got an orange Tic-Tac stuck in your nose. I’m your best friend. You can tell me.
MARY: (MARY holds up the pregnancy test.) I hope you still are after this. Katie, I’m pregnant.
KATIE: No way. No. Way. How is that even possible when you haven’t even kissed someone? You’ve never kissed anyone. Did you kiss someone?
MARY: No, I haven’t kissed anybody! It’s not a kissing test, Katie. It’s a pregnancy test!
KATIE: Well, it’s gotta be wrong. Or expired, or something. You cannot be pregnant. It is scientifically impossible.
MARY: (Slightly hysterical) Ha! Heh! Ha. Heh. Huh…
(KATIE grabs MARY’s shoulders, MARY and KATIE continue having an unheard conversation as OLD MARY speaks.)
OLD MARY: You see, children, I was in shock. An angel had shown up to my house, saying I was going to have a baby, and not only that, told me exactly what that baby’s name was going to be and what he was going to grow up to do! I was scared.
CHILDREN: What was he going to do, Grandma?
OLD MARY: (Teasing) Like I haven’t told you a million times! Your mind has a hole in it, mister. But I’ll tell you again. (Sober) He was going to grow up to do amazing things. Heal the sick, feed the hungry, and raise the dead. And best of all? He came to save us. But it was going to cost him a lot. His friends, His family, His reputation, and even His life.
(Back to the bedroom scene.)
KATIE: But why would God pick you? I mean, no offense, but it’s not like you’re perfect or anything!
MARY: God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
KATIE: Did you get that off a t-shirt? (Beat) You need to call Joe. Like, right now. And tell him to hurry.
(MARY pulls out her phone and dials a number before pressing it to her ear.)
MARY: Joe? Hi. I need you to come over real quick. Sorry, I know you’re busy, but it’s important. Thanks. Love you. (MARY puts the phone down.) He’s coming.
(KATIE rubs MARY’s shoulders as MARY stares down at the pregnancy test, bewildered. Focus shifts to OLD MARY.)
OLD MARY: Your grandpa…was such a good man. We were going to get married. But so far, all we’d done was hold hands! How was I going to look him in the eye and tell him I was pregnant? How was he going to believe what the angel had told me? It would take a miracle.
(Focus shifts back to bedroom. A knock is heard.)
MARY: Come in!
(JOE enters from the right wearing work clothes.)
JOE: Mary? Oh, hi Katie. Um, your dad said it would be okay if just this once I came up here. I’ve never actually seen your room before. I like the teddy bear. (Sees MARY’s expression) Are you okay? I came from work as fast as I could.
MARY: (Stands) I need to talk to you.
(MARY and JOE both stare pointedly at KATIE.)
KATIE: You know what, I’m going to go downstairs and, um, feed the cat. Yeah.
JOE: You have a cat?
JOE: Oh. Got it. What’s up?
MARY: I don’t know how to say this. There was an angel in my bathroom.
MARY: There was an angel in my bathroom. And he gave me this. (MARY hands JOE the pregnancy test. JOE stares at it.)
JOE: I don’t know what the lines mean.
MARY: I’m pregnant, Joe. And not just with any baby. This baby is the Son of God. The angel told me that his name is going to be Jesus. I haven’t messed around with anyone, I promise. This baby was concieved by the Holy Spirit.
(JOE paces back and forth, clearly conflicted.)
JOE: Mary…are you listening to yourself? You expect me to believe that? Mary, we had plans! We were going to grow old together! We were going to have a life together, and then you tell me this? How could you do this? You’re clearly not who I thought you were. How could I be so stupid. Dear Lord, what are people going to say? What are they going to think of you? There’s a lot that I could deal with, Mary. I don’t know if I can deal with this. But I still care about you. I can’t let you be an outcast. Your life, reputation…would be ruined. Guess there’s only one thing we can do. We call it off. No one needs to know. We’ll keep it quiet. We’ll just go on like…like nothing ever happened.
(MARY reaches for his arm.)
MARY: Joseph, if we could just-
(JOE shrugs away from her touch and cuts her off with a look.)
JOE: I’m going to splash some water on my face. Is this the bathroom? (Gestures towards the bathroom, MARY nods. JOE exits.)
(MARY sits on the bed, clutching the teddy bear. Sound of running water and a loud sigh is heard, then a step, slip, exclamation of surprise, and a loud thunk.)
(Focus shifts to OLD MARY.)
OLD MARY: I know it sounds terrible, but that bonk on the head was the best thing that ever happened to us. When Grandpa Joe slipped and fell, he blacked out. And an angel of the Lord appeared to him and told him that everything I had said was true. He was supposed to take me as his wife, and we were going to have a son. God’s Son.
(Focus shifts back to bedroom. JOE enters from the bathroom, rubbing his head gingerly.)
JOE: You’re not going to believe what happened to me in there.
MARY: Try me.
JOE: This baby…is the one we’ve been waiting for? You’re- you’re carrying the Messiah! (JOE takes MARY’s hands.) We’re going to have a son!